**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
