take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
