We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
