i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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