and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
