I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
