There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
