totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
this hospital has no fireball
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
