So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
