Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
