I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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