i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
organizing the empties. That sober.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
