So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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