put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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