all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
