why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
