How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
