I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
