So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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