Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
