Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
