I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
