i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
