so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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