2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize