my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
