Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize