have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize