JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
