I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
