Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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