We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
