I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
