The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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