Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
