How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
