I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
