Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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