I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
