Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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