also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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