so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
