the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize