there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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