My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize