i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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