she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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