So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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