Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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