totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
