I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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