i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
