we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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