i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
