Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
