my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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