oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
