The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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