Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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