The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
