I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize