her vagine was all disorganized.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i've created a new STD.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
