Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
