Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
