Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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