Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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