Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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