Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
