Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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