a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
