dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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