operation have a gay friend backfired
you didnt know i had herpes?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
