Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
