She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
