Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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